The Croquet Mallet
by Porky Poo
Summary: Claudia is spending a normal day in the Warehouse when two strangers appear. Who are they? Where did they come from? And does Mrs. Frederic know more then she is letting on?
1. Chapter 1

**A\N: **I don't own either Warehouse 13 or Hetalia (Although I wouldn't mind if I did).

Just so you know I use the human names of the countries, if you have trouble figuring out who is who this is the list of those that are in this story:

England = Arthur Kirkland

America = Alfred F. Jones

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The shelves towered far above Claudia's head as she made her way through the stacks. When she had first started working in the warehouse the tall shelves had given her a strange feeling of claustrophobia, but now – even though she would never admit it – she was becoming rather fond of them. The only thing she didn't like about them was the fact that they were full of untouchable things that needed to be inventoried. And doing inventory literally took forever. There was no way that she would ever be able to category all of these things in her life time – although Artie seemed to think that it was possible.

That was what she was doing now – inventory – and it never got old. The things that she would find on those shelves, tucked away and dusty, were rather fantastical. But then there was the 'No Touching' rule that had always been implemented, for good reasons. Her job was just to make sure that everything was on the shelf and secured before she could check it off her list. But no matter how cool it was she was not, under any circumstances allowed to touch anything – Ever.

Today was a just like the many other days that Claudia had spent at this task, and it was by no means the last. The headphones blared her music loudly and at random times she would burst out singing and dancing. For this reason she was glad that no one else was in that part of the warehouse.

The music was probably the reason that Claudia didn't hear the argument that was going on just around the corner. If she had been able to hear what was happening she would have never turned the corner unprepared. But as it was she finished up in the isle that she was working in and turned into the next one only to come face to face with two men that should not have been there.

The first was the shorter of the two, but not by much. He was wearing a very nice brown suit with a tie and a green sweater vest. His hair was blond and rather unkempt looking. His eyes were big and green, almost like a certain Disney princess's. But what caught Claudia's attention was his eyebrows, they were large and rather beautiful, and they didn't look like they belonged on his face as they were two shades darker then his hair. However, Claudia didn't think he would look nearly as great if his eyebrows had been any smaller.

The second man was much different then the first. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a nice clean t-shirt under a bomber jacket. His hair was darker then the first man but still a shade of blond, and it was nicer looking, like he spent more time with it in the mornings. There was, however, one piece of his hair, right in the front that stuck straight up, as though ungoverned by the laws of gravity. His blue eyes looked back at Claudia through his half rimmed glasses.

All this Claudia took in in a moment as she turned the corner. Then she sprang into action, removing her headphones hastily from her head and dropping them, she pulled the mini Tesla out of one of the pockets of her tool belt and pointed it at the two.

"How did you get in here?" She asked them as they both froze and slowly put their hands in the air. Claudia didn't know how but she managed to keep her voice calm and give it an edge of authority.

"Through the door," the man with the eyebrows said in a heavy British accent. "Are we not supposed to be here? You said it was fine." He turned to the other man and half raised his voice.

"Of course it's fine," The other replied in his decidedly American voice, "Mrs. Frederic lets me in here all the time."

"No, it is not fine!" Claudia told them feeling any authority that she had slipping away as the others seemingly ignored her. They both turned back to her as she spoke and where instantly reminded of the gun that she had pointed at them.

"Ok, so it's not fine," The American said diplomatically, "Why don't we just go back to the office and talk to Arthur about this."

"I'm right here," the Brit said eyeing the American in a confused manner.

"Not you, Kirkland," the American replied looking at him like he was crazy. "Arthur Nielson."

"No," Claudia said, these two men kept forgetting that she was there and pointing a gun at them. "I don't think you are the one in charge here."

"Obviously not," the one called Arthur Kirkland said, giving the other man a very angry glance, "The one with the gun is usually the one in charge."

"Yes, exactly," Claudia said, finally they seemed to get it. "Now, I'm going to call Artie and he is going to come and explain this."

"Good idea," The unnamed American said.

Claudia glared at him, they both kept doing that – agreeing with her – which made her second guess her decisions. But this time she didn't have a choice to change her plans, she had to call Artie. Reaching into her tool belt, still with her gun pointed at the two men and her eyes never moving from them, she pulled out her Farnsworth. It was a good thing that she had thought to put it back into her belt today, she had been tweaking it yesterday and she had almost forgotten it.

She flipped it open and glanced down quickly in order to press the button to call Artie. When she looked up again she was pleased to see that neither of the men had moved. The Farnsworth buzzed for a moment before Artie answered it.

"Claudia, I really don't have time for this," Artie said as soon as his face appeared in the small screen.

"I think you're going to want to make time for this," Claudia replied turning her Farnsworth around so that Artie could see the two men that were standing in front of her.

"Where are you?!" Artie half asked, half shouted as his face came in and out of the screen. It was obvious that he was running.

Claudia wasted no time in quickly giving Artie her position in the warehouse before swinging the lid on her Farnsworth closed and replacing it in her tool belt. She then returned her full attention back to the two men who were both just standing there.

"So, who are you?" she questioned them.

"Well, I am Alfred F. Jones," the American replied, "And this is my…um... friend, Arthur Kirkland."

Arthur being the polite man that he was – also it may have been attributed to the fact that he was British – but either way he moved forward with his hand out stretched in order to shake Claudia's free hand. This quick movement freaked Claudia out and as soon as he moved she moved also, but only her finger. With a quick squeeze of the trigger she shot her Tesla right into Arthur Kirkland's chest.

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**A\N:** So there you have it, I know it's a strange crossover but I just couldn't resist. There is more to come but if you liked this please feel free to leave a review with your thoughts (Even if you didn't like it, I'm always open for constructive criticism).


	2. Chapter 2

Artie came running around the corner, and as he came to a stop he couldn't catch his breath. Bending over he put his hands on his knees trying to calm his breathing down. Looking up he noticed the strange situation that lay before him. Claudia looked back at him from where she stood over the two men who were now both lying on the ground, one of the men was on his stomach with his hands on the back of his head, the other was lying sprawled out on his back. Claudia was still pointing her mini Tesla at them, and the one on his back didn't seem to be moving.

"Claudia, what happened?" Artie asked once he had regained enough breath to speak.

"Oh, nothing much," Claudia replied conversationally. "Just caught some intruders, knocked one out. Everyday things."

"Knocked one out?" Artie questioned his voice holding what was close to an impressed tone.

"I shot him with my Tesla," Claudia replied. "He was asking for it."

"I am still conscious," The man who had introduced himself as Alfred piped up from where he was lying on his stomach. "If that makes any difference."

"No it doesn't," Artie said.

"Besides, I think I told you to shut up," Claudia reminded the man who laid his head back down on the concrete in a form of surrender.

"What are we going to do with them?" Claudia asked Artie the obvious question.

"I don't know yet," Artie relied truthfully, "Why don't we just get them back to the office and find out who exactly they are. Why don't you wake that one up?"

Pulling a pair of handcuffs out of his pocket Artie bent down and put them on Alfred, binding his hands behind his back, before he pulled him up to his feet. Holding onto the American's arm Artie pulled another pair of handcuffs from another pocket and tossed them to Claudia. She quickly locked the handcuffs into place keeping Arthur Kirkland's hands in front of him.

Crouching down next to him Claudia pulled her hand back before looking up at Artie for approval. Artie just shrugged his shoulders as if to say, 'I don't know, seems about right.' And so Claudia brought her hand down fast and hard right across the unconscious man's right cheek.

The British man woke up surprisingly quickly, sitting up and almost banging heads with Claudia who tried to get out of the way. He looked around for a moment, seemingly confused by his surroundings, and then he remembered. Looking at Claudia who was on the ground next to him leaning back on her hands he spoke up.

"Sorry about that, I didn't mean to scare you."

Claudia didn't say anything in reply, she couldn't think of anything to say to that. So instead of speaking she just jumped to her feet and pulled the British man roughly to his feet as well. With a grunt Artie started leading the man in the bomber jacket through the warehouse stacks and Claudia followed behind.

She was leading the man with the eyebrows by his arm and as they all walked she couldn't help but think about why or even how these men were here. But neither of them seemed to be putting up much of a fight after being apprehended, and Claudia couldn't help but feel that by taking them back to the office they were playing right into a trap.

"Artie, I don't like this," She said voicing her thoughts out loud as she looked sideways at the man in handcuffs who was walking next to her. He glanced down at her as well and tried to give her what would have been an encouraging smile under any other circumstances. Artie didn't say anything in reply but Claudia could tell that he was thinking the same thing. She could also tell that he didn't like any of the outcomes that where possible given the evidence so far.

Their small procession made it all the way from the bowels of the warehouse to the office that stood above it all without another word being spoken by anyone. The detainees moved alongside the agents without ever trying to get away or explain their case. They seemed to know something that both Artie and Claudia didn't. And as they drew closer to their destination the unease that was filling Claudia grew more and more with every step.

They made the way up the stairs to the platform that held the office and Claudia could almost feel her skin crawling with the anticipation of what she feared would happen. As they went through the door and into the cluttered office Claudia was ready to jump at anything. But nothing happened; there was no one there to ambush them, nothing exploded, it was just the office, the same as it had always been.

Artie pushed the American roughly down into one of the chairs that was sitting around the table. The British man didn't need to be pushed into a chair, he simply sat himself primly down. Artie gave the two men one of the scariest looks that Claudia had ever seen on his face. But the meaning was clear, it meant death if they were even to move. And then he pulled Claudia away and demanded that she tell him everything that happened after she had discovered them. Claudia left nothing out, telling him every detail, she even remembered the exact words that had been spoken.

When she was done Artie turned to the men and banging his hand down on the table he yelled at them.

"Who are you!?" The sudden out burst from the older man mad all three of the other people in the room jump. Claudia most of all.

"As your friend has probably told you, I am Alfred Jones and this is my friend Arthur Kirkland," The American in the bomber jacket spoke up. Although none of them had ever said it out loud it was obvious that this man was in charge.

"Who are you really?!" Artie yelled again. Claudia didn't know what to do, she just stood there and watched, scared at the way Artie was behaving. Scared and unable to do anything about it.

"Ok, you want proof?" The American asked, and when Artie nodded and glared he continued on. "There is I.D. in the left inside pocket of my jacket. If you wouldn't mind getting it out, you could see for yourself."

With more glaring at the man Artie moved forward and reached his hand inside the other man's jacket. From where Claudia was standing she could tell that what Artie pulled from the pocket was not I.D. but something completely different. Artie slammed whatever it was down onto the table with a squish.

"This is a hamburger!" Artie yelled, removing his hand from the now flattened burger. The man in the bomber jackets face fell, he was not expecting that, Claudia was sure that he had been almost positive that his I.D. was in that pocket. The Brit just shook his head and buried his head in his still bound hands.

"That's right," The man who claimed to be Alfred Jones said, he had composed himself again and was speaking in the same calm voice as before, "It's in case I get hungry."

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**A/N: **So here's the next chapter, I hope you liked it. This marks the half way point in this story, which means two more chapters to go. Don't forget to leave a review and as always... Make pasta not war!


	3. Chapter 3

Artie was not amused by anything that was going on, with every passing second Claudia could tell that he was getting angrier. The hamburger had been the last straw that broke the camels back. He looked at the man in the bomber jacket who was looking up with a sheepish smile, and then before anyone had time to even react Artie pulled back his hand and slapped the smiling man right in the face. Claudia screamed involuntarily as the man's chair fell sideways, toppling the man onto the floor.

"Artie, what are you doing?" Claudia asked through the hands that she had thrown up in front of her face. Artie had grabbed the man on the floor by the collar of his bomber jacket and pulled him to his feet.

"Who are you?" Artie asked once more, his voice was barely above a whisper and it sounded as though he was about to murder someone.

"If I may speak," the British man finally spoke up. It was enough to bring Artie around from his murderous glare. He let go of the other man, who promptly fell back down on the ground, and Artie turned his attention to the man with the large eyebrows. He was still glaring but the British man didn't even flinch as those eyes fell on him.

"Perhaps you should search his other pockets before you make any rash decisions," the man said looking up at Artie. "I am sure that he has his identification on him, but he gets confused and he put it in another pocket."

"I don't get confused," the man on the floor spoke up.

"Shut up," The Brit said looking around Artie at him. "If it makes matters any better I have my identification in the left inside breast pocket of my suit coat."

"Claudia," Artie said calmer this time gesturing to the man still sitting in the chair. Claudia moved toward the man who gave her another one of his unreassuringly reassuring smiles. Claudia had to admit to herself that she was more scared of Artie in that moment then she was of either of these men combined. Between the two of them they probably couldn't even change a light bulb without arguing. So she moved forward and gently reached her hand into the man's pocket. Her hand closed on what felt like a leather wallet and pulled it out. It was a black leather wallet and when Claudia flipped it open she couldn't hold back the gasp that rushed to her lips.

"Artie, you're going to want to see this," she said handing the wallet over to Artie. Artie took his eyes off of the man whose wallet he was now holding and looked down. In his hand he was holding a badge and an I.D. card. The I.D. was for one Arthur Kirkland and the picture that accompanied it was that of the man who was sitting in front of him. The badge, however, was what had caused Claudia to gasp, it was Interpol.

"You're Interpol?" Artie asked his voice incredulous to say the least.

"Yes I am," Mr. Kirkland replied, "And I believe you will find my friend to be equally as creditable. If not more so in your eyes."

Artie sat the chair that he had nocked over up and pulled the man who was still on the floor into it. With a sigh he reached his hand one more time into the other man's jacket. This time however, he had the right pocket and he pulled out another black wallet. But when he opened it he sighed and dropping both of the wallets that he held onto the table. Pulling a key to the handcuffs out of his pocket he moved and unlocked the cuffs that held the man's hands.

"I'm sorry about that," Artie said moving to the other man. "You should have come to me first and none of this would have happened."

"Of course," The man said standing up and rubbing his cheek where Artie had slapped him, "I see my mistake now, it won't happen again."

"Artie, what's going on?" Claudia asked as Kirkland stood up rubbing his wrists.

Instead of answering Artie simply picked up the second wallet and tossed to over to Claudia. She caught it and flipped it open revealing another badge and I.D. card. This one was different then the first, instead of Interpol the badge was Secret Service.

"Oh," was all Claudia could say as she read the badge and I.D. card that belonged to Alfred F. Jones. So they had both been telling the truth about who they were. Unfortunately that still left one unanswered question.

"So what is a Secret Service agent and Interpol doing here?" Claudia asked, "And more importantly, how do they know about the Warehouse?"

"Very good questions," Artie said, looking at the two men.

"Well," Agent Jones said nervously, "The answer to the second question you wouldn't believe. And as for the first, I was helping Kirkland here win a bet."

"What kind of bet?" Artie asked suddenly suspicious again.

"I may have made a bet that I could win a game of croquet against an annoying French man," Kirkland spoke up, "Alfred here was kind enough to say that he knew of something that could help me."

"I happen to know that you have in your possession a certain croquet mallet, owned by a certain queen," Alfred said with an abashed smile on his face.

"Mary Stuart's narwhale croquet mallet? The one that will win any game?" Claudia spoke up.

"That's the one," Alfred said.

"You can't just come in here and take artifacts out to win bets!" Artie shouted again.

"I'm afraid they actually can, Arthur," the sudden appearance of both the voice and Mrs. Frederic caused Claudia and the two intruders to jump. Artie however remained cool and was able to reply to Mrs. Frederic.

"How is that allowed?" he asked indignantly. Mrs. Frederic looked around at those standing in the room before answering.

"Because you are looking at the founders of not only Warehouse 13 but also Warehouse 12."

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**A\N: **I hope you enjoyed this chapter, more will come next week, but until then remember: Make pasta, not war. (Also leaving a review would be nice)


	4. Chapter 4

"What do you mean the founders?" Claudia asked, looking at the two men who could not have been much older than she was. "That's impossible."

"Not impossible," Mrs. Frederic said, "Just not… normal."

"Definitely not normal," Claudia said looking at the two men again.

"You do realize we are standing right here," Alfred spoke up.

Artie waved him off and turned back to Mrs. Frederic. "So you are saying that these men are both over a hundred years old?" At his question both of the men started laughing. "What's so funny?" Artie asked angrily, turning back to the two men.

"We're both much older then one hundred," Kirkland spoke up, "Although I am the oldest."

"Yeah, well at least I'm taller," Alfred Jones said pulling himself up to his full height, a total three inches taller then Kirkland.

"Would you two please stop bickering," Mrs. Frederic snapped at them. "As for you," She said turning her attention back to Artie, "I will explain what I can. But some things cannot be explained, and you will have to except being in the dark."

"I don't like the dark," Artie said, looking Mrs. Frederic right in the eyes.

"I know," She replied.

"Can we go then?" Kirkland asked.

"No." Both Artie and Mrs. Frederic said at the same time. With that Kirkland shut his mouth and rocked back onto his heals. Alfred reached into another pocket in his jacket and produced a second hamburger which he proceeded to eat as he listened.

"Now," Mrs. Frederic said taking a seat in one of the chairs around the table, "These men are two of many who have set themselves in place as, shall we say protectors, of countries."

"Wait, protectors?" Claudia interjected, "What does that mean?"

"That is something that you will just have to not know," Mrs. Frederic said, "But these men and women tend to age slower than most, much, much slower."

"So how old are they exactly?" Artie asked glancing at them once more and couldn't believe that they were more than twenty-five at the most.

"Well, let's say, I'm about six hundred," Alfred spoke up, "Give or take a decade or two."

"Six hundred?" Claudia blurted out both unbelieving and impressed at the same time. "What about you?" She asked turning to look at Kirkland.

"I am much, much older," was all that Kirkland said raising his eyebrows.

"So you see," Mrs. Frederic continued, "These men were both once warehouse agents at the beginning of both warehouse 13 and 12."

"So… their alive because of some artifacty weirdness?" Claudia asked.

"More along the lines that they themselves are the artifacts," Mrs. Frederic said.

"A human as an artifact?" Artie asked, "Is that even possible?"

"Yes it is," Mrs. Frederic said, "The reason you have never heard of this is because we like to give them their privacy. But we keep tabs on them."

"I should say," Alfred said under his breath, but still everyone in the room heard him.

"So why are they here now?" Claudia asked.

"Like I said," Kirkland said, "I'm trying to win a bet."

"That's it?" Claudia asked, to her it seemed like they went through a lot of trouble just to win a bet. But these men were just the right amount of funny and weird that Claudia couldn't help but like them.

"Yes?" Kirkland said in a questioning voice looking for approval. Claudia tried to hide the smile that threatened to cover her entire face.

"Unfortunately, I can't let you take the mallet," Mrs. Frederic said.

"Why not?" Alfred asked, "You've let me take things before."

"Things that have belonged to you," Mrs. Frederic said, "And all for sensible reasons. Not to win bets."

"Yes," Alfred admitted, "I understand."

"Good," Mrs. Frederic said, adopting a motherly voice that Claudia had never heard her use before. "Now, I think that you have had enough consequences for your rash action today. Next time you come should be for good reasons and you should inform Artie of you arrival."

"Yes, ma'am," Alfred said with a slight bow of his head. "We should be going then."

"Yes, you should," Mrs. Frederic said before turning her attention back to Artie, "Anything else you would like to know?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact there are a lot of things I would like to know," Artie said, "Like how many of these kind of people are out there? How long do they live? And why you thought it was appropriate to keep me in the dark?"

As Artie spoke Alfred and Kirkland picked up their badges, Alfred excepting his from Claudia, but Kirkland actually had to reach past Artie to grab his from the table. They both took their leave of the warehouse slipping out of the door. And with that they were gone without anything more than Kirkland giving Claudia another quick smile before the door closed.

"There are lots of them," Mrs. Frederic said in answer to Arties questions, "They live a very long time. And the reason you didn't know about them was because their existence is need to know information and before today you didn't need to know."

"And you didn't think that a moment like this would arise in which I would need to know?" Artie asked indignantly.

"No, I didn't," Mrs. Frederic said, "Know if you don't mind, I have more important things to deal with."

And with that Mrs. Frederic followed the two men out the door and was gone. As soon as the door swung shut behind her Artie flopped down into a chair with a sigh. It had been a very long and confusing day and both Artie and Claudia were exhausted.

Artie slipped into deep thought for a moment before raising again and slowly walking up the stairs to his room. He paused for a moment ducking his head to look at Claudia who had yet to move.

"Why don't you… um… Just get some rest," he said distractedly turning and continuing the rest of the way up the stairs.

After all that had happened and all that Claudia had learned that day the only thing that she was thinking of was whether Arthur Kirkland would win his bet or not.

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**A/N:** Thank you guys for reading this, I hope that you enjoyed it. I know that I enjoyed writing it. I apologize that it took me so long to finish it. Remember, make pasta not war!


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